As a dirt farmer I am certainly no fashionista. I can pick an outfit that matches up reasonably well, I don't wear white belts, I don't own any polyester, and I don't wear short sleeve dress shirts. However, I cannot tell you what the difference between designer jeans and regular jeans is, aside from the tag on the butt and the fact that designer jeans tend to look like they have been wadded up in my gutter for a month. I cannot tell you the rules for what color drawers to wear after Columbus day, or how much bling successfully compliments your coffee mug.
What I can tell you, emphatically, is that designer T-shirts should....not....ever....be worn by fat guys. You know the shirt-its the tight faded shirt with what appears to be an image of Che Guevara (wanna bet half have no clue whatsoever who Che was?) or some sort of random phrase meant to be witty (Jesus is my Homeboy, Idaho is for Lovers, I Facebooked your Mom, etc..) These shirts all appear to be made two sizes too small and thats fine for normal size dudes. But for the fat guys out there...not so much. I have no idea how you can look in the mirror while your gut is hanging out underneath your shirt overlapping your too tight Diesels and think, "damn right-that looks good."
I suppose it all goes back to the amazing ability of us guys to look into a mirror and morph reality into an image you could only get if everyone around you was wicked nearsighted. Take yours truly. I can look into a mirror that shows a guy that doesn't sleep enough, hasn't shaved in days, and is wearing clothes with multiple holes and stains on them and be okay with that. My head throws out words like rugged, Clint Eastwood, and edgy. To most others I would imagine words like hobo, slob, or Nick Nolte mugshot come to mind.
It is this uncanny ability of human males that not only makes us not only the complete opposite the female, but allows for the phenomenon of fat guy in a little tshirt to exist. Being able to explain this movement's roots, however, is certainly no excuse. So to you fat guys out there, listen up! Nobody wants to see your jelly jiggle when you walk. Nor is it enticing to get a shot of your Dunlap spilling out whenever you raise your arms above your waist. The side effects of such exposure to innocent bystanders are limitless-nausea, blindness, permanent sexual atrophy, etc... So, put that thing away before you hurt somebody!
The preceding has been a public service announcement by the United Dirt Farmer Coalition Against Untamed Belly Action. If you observe such persons do your part-laugh and point at them until they get a clue and cage that beast
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